Over our years of traveling, we’ve learned that in almost every travel relationship you develop roles – specifically driving/towing and passenger/navigating. It doesn’t matter the gender or age, one person in the relationship naturally gravitates toward one or the other of those responsibilities. Yes, there are many partners who share roles. But if you really get down to it, you know one person is “better” at one or the other and handles the majority of the driving.
In our travel life, Ari is the default driver and tower and I am the passenger and navigator. For us it came down to a few reasons:
- Ari is a horrible passenger. Within 5 minutes of being in the passenger seat he has changed the music a dozen times, rearranged the glove box, and is bored – not a good start for a 6-hour drive. He also has much more experience driving all sorts of vehicles and towing trailers.
- I have a way better sense of direction, ability to read a map, and can get us where we need to go without the GPS. But I’m also like a dog (“Oh look, a squirrel!”) – constantly craning my head around and out the window to see things and take pictures, which isn’t super safe when you’re towing your house behind you.
- My height can also be an issue. At only 4’11″, I don’t always feel confident or fit comfortably in many vehicles as I have a hard time seeing over the dash, mirrors are at the wrong angles, the pedals are too far away, etc. So, I tend to let someone else drive when possible. I love driving, but my little Jeep Wrangler is the perfect size for me while many larger vehicles just aren’t a great fit.
Tow, Tow, Tow your Trailer
In all the years we owned a popup, I never towed it. And in the 7 years we owned the Roadtrek I drove it maybe twice. And I don’t think I ever backed it in to park it. But I knew that in an emergency, at the end of the day, it was just a Chevy van. It was a bit more top heavy than a normal one. But it was still just a regular van that I knew I could drive. So I wasn’t ever too concerned that I hadn’t had much time behind the wheel.
But, when we got the new van and Airstream, I realized that I needed to learn to tow. (I had never towed anything before). There are just too many uncertainties in life, and I wanted to be prepared. What if Ari got hurt? What if he had to go out of town for work and I had to move the trailer on my own? Whatever the situation, I wanted to be prepared.
So one weekend we headed out to the local high school parking lot. First, I practiced driving only the van to get used to how it handles, brakes, turns, and backs up. I wanted to learn what the blind spots are, what its turning radius is, and what position I need the seat and steering wheel. Once I felt I had (mostly) mastered the van, we hooked up the Airstream.
I drove the Airstream around the parking lot many, many times, getting a feel for this 30-foot beast behind me. I had to learn how to use my mirrors to watch the tires’ location in relation to parking lot lines as I went around corners. And I needed to understand the wide swing of the back end of the trailer. And I needed to get a feel for the brake controller at different speeds. After a while of that, it was time to move on to parking.
Sorry for the things I said when we were backing up the camper
I recently saw a decorative sign that said “Sorry for the things I said when we were backing up the camper.” I know we can all relate. Admit it, a favorite activity of all campers is watching others park their trailers in the campground.
While I figure Ari will likely do the majority of the backing in, I wanted to learn too, as well as understand the maneuver from his point of view. That way, I can be a better director during the backup process.
It took a few attempts, some worse than others, to fully grasp the backing up process. But I feel like I (mostly) mastered it by the end. The whole idea that the tow vehicle goes in a different direction from the trailer is mind-blowing at first. Once you get used to that, it’s all about the angles and taking it slow and making small adjustments as needed. On my best attempt, I successfully backed it perfectly between two cones in under 10 minutes. Not bad for my first day ever!
Many drivers prefer pull-through sites so they don’t have to back in. However, my attempts at pulling the trailer into a space between two cones failed miserably. I swear I hit one every time, or pulled in crooked, or would’ve hit the camper next to us if it was real! In our family you always back into a parking space no matter what car you’re driving or where you are. Backing up is MUCH easier for me than pulling in.
After hours of practice in the parking lot, I convinced Ari to let me tow the Airstream home. It was a total distance of about 3 miles. That’s not very fa. But it was a busy weekend afternoon, through some weird intersections and a teeny bit of construction. That was the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done and I think I’d rather do Atlanta rush hour. OK, just kidding. But, seriously, even at highway speeds I’d likely be more comfortable only worrying about traffic going in one direction, not 8 lanes coming at me from all directions (Michigan drivers are the worst)!
Lessons Learned
Both Ari and I learned a few things that day by switching roles. First, I learned to drive and tow – a major accomplishment. Second, I have a better appreciation for what guidance is required when parking the trailer. We settled on new and better commands to help guide each other during the backing up process. Third, Ari learned that the perception of angles and distances is very different from the driver’s seat than the view standing behind the trailer. Our next outing should be much smoother. Even giving Ari directions while he was backing the Airstream into our driveway again went way better after my practice session.
I implore other traveling partners to switch roles and see things from the other’s point of view. Whether it’s to be prepared for an emergency or not being “that couple” at the campground that everyone judges. Having the ability to perform both jobs will improve your travel, your relationship, and your patience.